Prime Example of My Dilemma

It's 5 o'clock. I just got home from 8 hour workday and fed the cats and the dog. Today is a normal day, and yet, it's days like this that make me go haywire. Maybe I'm looking for sympathy or affirmation or swift kick in the ass, but I feel the need to document my "normal" day. I get so frustrated with these normal days because I'm stuck doing so many thing when all I dreamt about on my 40 minute drive home was how I wanted to sit down and draw/paint a new idea I found/came up with. But, chances are, that's not gonna happen, not tonight anyway.

Ben will be home soon (which will probably prevent this post from being published tonight) and he/I usually needs to talk for some time. Or he will be late, having put in more time in today than the normal 10 hours. I have plans to make salad for supper, the strawberry kind with chicken, feta, & almonds. YUM! And I need to get going on that soon; I'm a slow cook/salad-put-together-er. But, before, that, I should get a load of laundry going. We're running short on towels and we will need them because my in-laws are coming tomorrow (YAY! & that's not sarcasm you're hearing!). Speaking of in-laws coming to stay for the weekend, I need to clean up the house a little tonight. I have the living room and upstairs bathroom on the list for tonight. I'm thankful that we usually have someone stop by our house every 2-3 weeks, which keeps me on my toes to keep things SANITARY around here! If I let it go too long, then it's all the more work involved to do it at once (I should really listen to my own words more often!). But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I should clean after supper.....After we eat supper sitting on the couch, Isis (the ever energetic poochie) will be barking at my side, tossing toys at me, ready to play (she's actually already doing that right now!). So, I will scramble to get the dishwasher loaded and the counters cleaned off. Then I'll squeeze 15 minutes of intense playtime with Isis and get her good and wore out. THEN, I think I might be able to clean up a bit more (oh, and switch laundry around!). If I'm lucky it'll be 8 o'clock and I can sit down and watch "Person of Interest" (or the state hockey tourney. Ben's a hockey addict). If I'm not lucky, I'll be cleaning while I catch most of the show (it's probably a re-run anyway). Then it's time to get the dog walked, last minute things put away (like laundry), get lunches ready for tomorrow and get ready for bed. (oops! I forgot that tonight we are also supposed to read our "lesson" for our new "naturally slim: healthy lifestyles" plan. This weight is gonna go down-hopefully along with Ben's high blood pressure and cholesterol). Then I can open up my Kindle and hopefully start my new book club book, "A Discovery of Witches" (not sure what I think about this one). That is if I'm not too tired. Cause the cherry on top of all of this is I forgot to take my meds this afternoon for my hypersomnia, which means I'm running on EMPTY and almost fell asleep again on the drive home.

So, yeah, finding that time to draw/paint/craft? whatever....and I hate that I have that attitude. Sure, I could not watch a tv show or make my exhausted husband who's put in way more time at work than I did clean the house and kitchen for me while I do something "fun". It's just frustrating knowing that my wants and passions can't be a priority now and must be put-off, maybe just til the weekend (but the in-laws are coming).

I guess I could've been drawing the whole time I wrote this...but maybe my attitude should be that this 20 minutes/half hour I've sat here writing is my me-time of being creative.....Lesson: take what I can get and choose to be content...And I maybe just have to accept that that's where were at right now. But this I know and keep on believing, is that soon the changes can come to pass....

Time to take the dog out....she's just a whining!

A Little Bit of a Dilemma

I recently found this pin on Pinterest....

(Photo courtesy of atlandsend.tumlr.com)

I find myself getting completely lost in this photo. Not just because it's an excellent photograph, but because I long for that to be me; all cozied up in my favorite cardigan sweater & furry slippers, sipping my cup of tea or coffee, ready to begin my work day at home-writing/reading/crafting, any of which would be just fine. My kitties would be curled up in the antique sitting chair. I would only pause to take the dogs out for a romp...

Am I being too idealistic, I start thinking. Is this just me fantasizing & daydreaming, or is this really who I am? Is this actually a reality that could become my life? If so, how long will I have to wait for it?

I am a creative person (aka "crafty", but I'm not a fan of that word). My personality is artistic minded. I feel alive and thrilled whenever I create something. The main problem with being this type of person is that it is not easy to make a career out of (i.e. the "starving artist"). However, part of my issue is that I am not skilled at any one thing. I'm not a painter, sculptor, or novelist. Or anything in between, for that matter. I have no platform or subject I feel the need to share with the world. I'm just a girl that finds life & thrills in creating something myself. It's what brings life to my soul.

Recently, I have found myself stuck with this dilemma. What do I do with this part of me? Should I attempt being a writer or signing up for the craft fair circuit? I need a change, but I don't exactly know what kind. I'm tired of waiting, tired of it never being the right time for multiple things. And on top of all of it, I'm tired of not pushing myself to do more, to do what I can. When can I start really fulfilling more of my passions? Is that selfish to be thinking about? I don't know where to go from here...