Everytime I go to Wal-Mart....

...something a little like this ensues:

I only have about 15 items to get, so in theory it shouldn't take long.

However, since it is Sunday, Wal-Mart is now out of Cilantro & the spinach-mozzarella chicken sausages I use in my famous lasagna. Whatever does remain is slim-pickings. I struggle to find romaine hearts that aren't browning already.

At the end of every aisle, I move super slow as to not run over the wild screaming children who have taken over the place. There is only one couple in the beverage aisle and they just happen to choose to stand and discuss their shopping list directly in front of the one item I need (this also happens in the baking aisle & the laundry aisle). Then, just to move anywhere, I must weave in and out between customers because everyone apparently doesn't like the concept of "stay to the right" and instead, they choose to take up the whole entire aisle by themselves.

Meanwhile, the hubby calls me from the parking lot, "What's taking so long? I thought you said you didn't need many items"....grrrrr......

I finally make my way to the front of the store and, as always, there are never enough cashiers. So, I unwisely choose to go through self-checkout. I put 2 boxes of laundry detergent ingredients in one bag and it proceeds to rip. I double bag. The machine then decides it doesn't like that I stacked that bag on top of my case of Diet Coke and I have to wait for assistance from a Wal-Mart assistant to continue.

After I finally bag it all up and checkout, I have to dodge through more customers who decide to park their carts towards the middle of the checkout lines so no one else can get through with a cart. I don't mean to be rude, but my frustration gets the better of me and I end up saying, "Excuse Me" in a rather huffy manner.

Yay! I am out the door finally. But I misunderstand the hubs and can't find him in the parking lot. After a little wandering in the rain, I find him and start unloading the cart into the backseat of the car. I reach for the last bag and RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPP.....The bag flies out of my hand in the wind & rain and my purchases, which all which seemed to be round, rolled every which way. I frantically scoop up the items, cursing under my breath and flinging them into the backseat. Did I mention it was STILL raining????? In my frustration to be done with the fiasco, I run the cart down to the corral and give it a good slam into the rest of the carts. "Take that!"

I sit down in the car and take a deep breath, while listening to the hubby asks why I walked all the way to that 
cart corral when there was one two spaces next to us....Grrrrrr.... I think I might lose it and must be told to settle down. Deep breath....I think I might finally be ok. It's all over....

That is, until I get home and realize that one of my jars of Queen green olives, which I bought to make deep fried stuffed olives for my birthday, must have rolled underneath the car and I wasn't able to see it in my madness.

...Double GRRRRRRRR......

And yet, I still go there on occasion....What is wrong with me????

Prime Example of My Dilemma

It's 5 o'clock. I just got home from 8 hour workday and fed the cats and the dog. Today is a normal day, and yet, it's days like this that make me go haywire. Maybe I'm looking for sympathy or affirmation or swift kick in the ass, but I feel the need to document my "normal" day. I get so frustrated with these normal days because I'm stuck doing so many thing when all I dreamt about on my 40 minute drive home was how I wanted to sit down and draw/paint a new idea I found/came up with. But, chances are, that's not gonna happen, not tonight anyway.

Ben will be home soon (which will probably prevent this post from being published tonight) and he/I usually needs to talk for some time. Or he will be late, having put in more time in today than the normal 10 hours. I have plans to make salad for supper, the strawberry kind with chicken, feta, & almonds. YUM! And I need to get going on that soon; I'm a slow cook/salad-put-together-er. But, before, that, I should get a load of laundry going. We're running short on towels and we will need them because my in-laws are coming tomorrow (YAY! & that's not sarcasm you're hearing!). Speaking of in-laws coming to stay for the weekend, I need to clean up the house a little tonight. I have the living room and upstairs bathroom on the list for tonight. I'm thankful that we usually have someone stop by our house every 2-3 weeks, which keeps me on my toes to keep things SANITARY around here! If I let it go too long, then it's all the more work involved to do it at once (I should really listen to my own words more often!). But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I should clean after supper.....After we eat supper sitting on the couch, Isis (the ever energetic poochie) will be barking at my side, tossing toys at me, ready to play (she's actually already doing that right now!). So, I will scramble to get the dishwasher loaded and the counters cleaned off. Then I'll squeeze 15 minutes of intense playtime with Isis and get her good and wore out. THEN, I think I might be able to clean up a bit more (oh, and switch laundry around!). If I'm lucky it'll be 8 o'clock and I can sit down and watch "Person of Interest" (or the state hockey tourney. Ben's a hockey addict). If I'm not lucky, I'll be cleaning while I catch most of the show (it's probably a re-run anyway). Then it's time to get the dog walked, last minute things put away (like laundry), get lunches ready for tomorrow and get ready for bed. (oops! I forgot that tonight we are also supposed to read our "lesson" for our new "naturally slim: healthy lifestyles" plan. This weight is gonna go down-hopefully along with Ben's high blood pressure and cholesterol). Then I can open up my Kindle and hopefully start my new book club book, "A Discovery of Witches" (not sure what I think about this one). That is if I'm not too tired. Cause the cherry on top of all of this is I forgot to take my meds this afternoon for my hypersomnia, which means I'm running on EMPTY and almost fell asleep again on the drive home.

So, yeah, finding that time to draw/paint/craft? whatever....and I hate that I have that attitude. Sure, I could not watch a tv show or make my exhausted husband who's put in way more time at work than I did clean the house and kitchen for me while I do something "fun". It's just frustrating knowing that my wants and passions can't be a priority now and must be put-off, maybe just til the weekend (but the in-laws are coming).

I guess I could've been drawing the whole time I wrote this...but maybe my attitude should be that this 20 minutes/half hour I've sat here writing is my me-time of being creative.....Lesson: take what I can get and choose to be content...And I maybe just have to accept that that's where were at right now. But this I know and keep on believing, is that soon the changes can come to pass....

Time to take the dog out....she's just a whining!

A Little Bit of a Dilemma

I recently found this pin on Pinterest....

(Photo courtesy of atlandsend.tumlr.com)

I find myself getting completely lost in this photo. Not just because it's an excellent photograph, but because I long for that to be me; all cozied up in my favorite cardigan sweater & furry slippers, sipping my cup of tea or coffee, ready to begin my work day at home-writing/reading/crafting, any of which would be just fine. My kitties would be curled up in the antique sitting chair. I would only pause to take the dogs out for a romp...

Am I being too idealistic, I start thinking. Is this just me fantasizing & daydreaming, or is this really who I am? Is this actually a reality that could become my life? If so, how long will I have to wait for it?

I am a creative person (aka "crafty", but I'm not a fan of that word). My personality is artistic minded. I feel alive and thrilled whenever I create something. The main problem with being this type of person is that it is not easy to make a career out of (i.e. the "starving artist"). However, part of my issue is that I am not skilled at any one thing. I'm not a painter, sculptor, or novelist. Or anything in between, for that matter. I have no platform or subject I feel the need to share with the world. I'm just a girl that finds life & thrills in creating something myself. It's what brings life to my soul.

Recently, I have found myself stuck with this dilemma. What do I do with this part of me? Should I attempt being a writer or signing up for the craft fair circuit? I need a change, but I don't exactly know what kind. I'm tired of waiting, tired of it never being the right time for multiple things. And on top of all of it, I'm tired of not pushing myself to do more, to do what I can. When can I start really fulfilling more of my passions? Is that selfish to be thinking about? I don't know where to go from here...

My Kind of Kindle Cover

My wonderful hubby gave me a Kindle Touch for Christmas and I pretty much haven't put it down since. Which means with my clumsy self, I needed a cover...ASAP!

I had visions in my mind of something that looked like a real book. My web searches didn't find too many. I did find these beautiful ones:

but they were running for $40-$70. Yikes!

Thus I turned to Pinterest and thought about making my own.  Nothing was really catching my attention until I found a post to this blog which uses a real book for the outside. Just what I was thinking + a few changes of my own! I scoured my book collection and came up with wonderful ideas. The only bummer was that to make the cover everything I ever wanted, I would have to dissect one of my antique books. And if it didn't turn out, I wasted that piece of art. Gulp! It had to be worth a try! One of my copies of David Copperfield, was the perfect size and the perfect artsy green cover.

1 antique book

+

pre-quilted fabric

+

"shirt" fleece fabric

+

hot glue

+

elastic

+

1 really fabulous button

+

1 free sewing machine from Grandma Crayford

+

a few mishaps (including not threading the sewing machine right)

=

my perfect Kindle cover!

I guess it kinda looks like I have a hard time getting through David Copperfield :)

I have been pleasantly surprised with all compliments (even internationally!). Thanks! For a small monetary fee, I am willing to create the perfect cover for your Kindle (or Nook, or any other e-reader).

HAPPY READING!

Artwork

I consider myself artsy-fartsy.  I'm by no means a professional artist or can do any one thing really well in the art world. However, I love to create in any way shape or form. It's one of those things I need to do more of in order to feel more like me. Over the past couple years, I've seen a few things that have inspired my creative brain. What came out of it was what I consider my "artwork". I guess you could technically call it framed art. So here is a sampling of a few most recent pieces I've done. The leaves/sticks are out of my personal collection from walks, etc and the paper is made by hand by myself :) I aim to re-purpose a lot of old frames to use, however, due to lack of time, the ones here are brand new. So far, I've mainly done this for gifts, but I'm hoping to make time to build up an inventory and maybe try to sell some. You never know until you try! What do you think? Can I take any orders?? :)

What's there to enjoy?

-How do you enjoy sitting in a car for 1 1/2 hours a day, struggling to not fall asleep?

-How do you enjoy working overtime when each moment is more frustrating than the last?

-How do you enjoy spending the few hours you have at home each evening by cooking & cleaning?

-How do you enjoy a few minutes of rest & relaxation with a dog barking at you to get up & play?

-How do you enjoy the weekend when there's so many projects to be completed in the yard & around the house?

I'm not enjoying myself. There is nothing to enjoy about the above. That's life. It's reality. But I don't want to live like this. I want to be myself and spend time doing things I feel passionate about and make me me. But I'm not. I struggle with this concept. There is too much I have to do and not enough time to do what I want to do. What's the line here? Am I being selfish/self-indulgent/lazy/etc???? Or am just seeking to be who I was created to be? I don't know and I'm sure I won't have an exact answer any time soon. The simple answer is to find a balance, but I've checked and that is proving to be quite difficult.

The only conclusion that I come to is that this is only for a time. It's no picnic waiting for time to pass. Wishing my days away is NOT how I want to live. But, no matter how far or few in-between, I still find there are moments that are enjoyable. A few years back, I realized through my struggles with idealism vs. reality that sometimes I have to remind myself of the enjoyable, happy times. So, the other night I wasn't able to work on my artwork, start up my newly tuned sewing machine, or my many other creative projects. I didn't even work on cleaning house or getting the entryway floor prepped for tiling. But, Benny and I sat down for few moments with the dog and made her make faces with her big lips & cheeks. That right there, is happy. I laughed until I cried and sobbed until I thought I would throw-up. And somehow, I forget those happy moments because of being "busy" and focusing on the larger picture where I'm not pursuing my dreams and accomplishing all my creative goals. While those are important, that's not reality right now. I have to work. I have to make supper. I have to get the house ready for guests. I have to do laundry. Although it's tough to swallow that, it's a matter of an attitude of enjoying the happy moments that are happening all around me and remembering those instead of the obligations I have.

What to do...

What do you do when you are spontaneously thrown a free pair of cheap sunglasses that aren't quite your style????

Train your dog to wear them :)

Although, I have to admit, they are kinda fun....

especially for spur-of-the-moment dance parties in the garage with my man, as I found out tonight...